My Boyfriend is a Gamer and a Pothead, Do I Have a Chance? – Ask Priscilla

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Dear Priscilla

I am sure I am not the only girl out there in this situation, but I am lost and feel defeated. My boyfriend is a huge pothead and a gamer. He stays up most nights til 3 AM or later playing interactive games with players around the world. His ambition level for anything else is close to zero. I love to go hiking, the beach, bar hop and dance and anytime I suggest any of those, he just makes excuses. He is usually on the couch smoking when I get home from work or from my parents house. We still occasionally have sex, but not nearly as much as we used to. I feel like I lost him already to a bunch of basement dwelling gamers.

I don’t get it. I have boobs and energy. That used to be enough. Should I give up and move on?

Losing the game

Dear Losing the game,

It is rare that I recommend the ending of a relationship. I believe wholeheartedly in love and the preservation of partnerships. The psychological ramifications of an addictive personality can have a very negative impact on those around as well as the individual themselves. When an addictive personality falls prey to this type of behavior, it can be very difficult for one person to pull them out. What often helps is a major change in their surroundings.

A threat of a break up or a break up in reality may knock him out of his spell and force him to make a decision. I don’t know how aggressive you have been with him about how much this is adversely affecting you, but if you have been passive to date, you need to be forceful about your concerns. If he still shows no empathy toward you and your relationship together, I think it is time to move on and separate yourself from this.

In time, he will bring you down to his level and your energetic lifestyle will fall prey to a couch and some Doritos.

You need to take action soon and focus on your best interests.

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla, please email her at askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com

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I’m More Successful Than My Boyfriend. Is That Bad? – Ask Priscilla Advice

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Dear Priscilla,

I have this incredible finance audit job. Since I started four and a half years ago, I have been promoted twice and now have a great salary and staff. My boyfriend is a marketing analyst. He does well, but in terms of salary, I am much more successful than he is. Sometimes I feel like that bothers him. I do work longer hours and travel quite a bit. Maybe my absence is what is weighing on him, but I think it is about salary. I love taking him out to dinner and buying random gifts, but he is stubborn about accepting the fact that I like to pay.

Is it bad that I make more money? What can I do to reassure him that it doesn’t bother me?

More Successful Than My BF

Dear More Successful Thank My BF,

I would like to start by saying congratulations on all your professional success. From the promotions, it appears you are very skilled and career focused. That is something to be very proud of. The important thing to remember is that as a couple, you will make compromise and discover a life together as partners. Yet, you cannot lose sight of the fact that you are two unique individuals. Before you met, you set goals for your future and trained through school and hard work to be successful. Don’t ever doubt that all the efforts you have put in.

The male ego is fragile. It has been for hundreds of years and will be hundreds of years from now. He will feel the pressure of your success and to some degree internalize it. He loves you and thus, he is still be your side. If you get the feeling that he is pushing back or holding back, make a few minor temporary adjustments. Let him pay for a meal or movie and hint at a few small gifts you would like to receive. He will begin to feel that level of male dominance again and feel less threatened by your success. That will create a calming affect on the relationship.

You may have to do this a few times, but he will get more and more comfortable over time.

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla, please email her at askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com

My Boyfriend Won’t Climax – Ask Priscilla

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Dear Priscilla,

My boyfriend and I have this insane sexual relationship. I think we have sex at least twice a day everyday. On the weekends when we see more of each other is it closer to four or five times. It gets pretty intense and we even use props to help keep it hot and heavy. I don’t see this behavior changing anytime in the future. But there is something that has been bothering me. I orgasm quite often and it is mind-blowing. Yet, he rarely does. He tells me he will do anything to make me happy and he can last a long time. This makes me very happy. I have a guy that can make me orgasm and he has stamina. That is a girls dream. I feel like him not climaxing is my fault. He says I’m not doing anything wrong, but I want to change whatever it is that makes him not climax so he can.

That would make me happy. What do I do?

Wishing My Boyfriend Would Explode

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Dear Wishing My Boyfriend Would Explode,

I understand your concerns. Most boys/men typically last less than fifteen minutes per session and climaxing is a rite of passage. It is the reward for conquering the land of women. The feeling of cumming is a sensational feeling for men. The idea that he is not climaxing with you can be perceived as a concern. It should not be.

Climaxing is both a physical and mental exercise. It also can be a result of conditioning and behavior. What I mean by that is, what type of sexual behavior did he have before you two became sexually active? Did he have another partner? Did he engage in group sexual activity? Did he masturbate a lot? All of these can factor into why he is not climaxing each and every time. If he was an active masturbator then he may have a special technique or approach he used that his penis is used to. It can be a speed or motion or a technique of stroking.

Talk to him and ask him what makes him cum. Maybe a faster blowjob or a hand job. Mutual masturbation could open up his mental senses and bring you two closer together sexually.

This will take time for his mind and body to become one with you, but it is no indication that he loves you less.

Don’t take it personally and keep enjoying your “mind-blowing” sex together.

The rest will come around.

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla please email to askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com

Why Won’t My Boyfriend Go To College – Ask Priscilla

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Dear Priscilla,

My boyfriend has done everything from driver to waiter and won’t go to college. He is twenty years old and the only passion I can see is his love for gaming. I even suggested he go to school for video game design or quality control stuff in the gaming field. He smiles at me and keeps playing.

I want to have a future with him, but feel like he will amount to nothing if he doesn’t go to school.

He sees how much I love the college experience and there are even times I see a glimmer in his eyes where he may be a little jealous of me.

How do I convince him that he needs college?

Dealing with uneducated boyfriend

Dear Dealing with educated boyfriend,

College is a wonderful and rewarding experience that gives you an added advantage is this competitive job market. It seems clear, you have a well-defined path for your future and you want the same for your boyfriend. Caring for him and watching out for his well-being is noble, but you need to be respectful of his choices he makes. He will make a lot of mistakes as he continues his journey of life. Some will lead him on the right path and some lead to regret, but his had to determine his personal journey. You need to find out if he is happy with his current job. Find out what drives him (money, people, culture, challenge) and then focus on a future he can be happy with.

College is not for everyone. It takes a unique type of person to become college material. Don’t forget there are other options including technical colleges, trade schools and online specialized classes.

Have some dialogue around options. Don’t be forceful, but suggestive and if he has doubts, he will think through some of these other options and maybe find his passion.

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla, please email her at askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com

Why Do Guys Find Yoga Pants Hot? – Ask Priscilla

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Dear Priscilla,

I take a yoga class three times a week downtown.  I hop into my teal or green tank top and black yoga pants and every time I walk from my car to the class, I either get a crude comment or I turn around and a guy is checking out my ass.  What is it about yoga pants that guys find so hot?  We aren’t dressed up in a skimpy skirt and heels or anything.

What is their infatuation?

Yoga Freak

Dear Yoga Freak,

This is one of those questions that has defied time.  Like denim, this craze does not seem to want to go away.  I wish I can tell you there is a great mystery, but it is very simple:  Yoga pants do not leave a lot for the imagination.  They reveal it all in a voyeuristic way so that men can watch without the guilt.  It hugs your ass showing off ever curve, clenches to your thighs and even gives a rather confident visual of your passageway to love.  Black is also a seductive color and that fuels that stimulus for men.

Men are naturally drawn to black.  It is mysterious and sexy.  When you add pants that hug every single curve from him to toe, it is no wonder, they melt at the prospect of seeing you in them.

Not to create an unfair stereotype, but women that are active yoga participants tend to be fit and thin.

yoga2

Yoga pants are and will continue to be a mental fantasy for men.  Enjoy the complimentary stares because they are not going away.

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla please email her at askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com

 

He’s a Bad Boy, But I Still Want Him – Ask Priscilla

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Dear Priscilla,

Derek is hot.  He plays lead guitar in this awesome garage rock band and has three seriously whack tattoos.  One is a devil playing guitar with wings on his back, another is a cross on his arm and the third is a hope tattoo on his hip.  With his jet black hair, aloof attitude and sick music skills, he is a magnet for girls.  All my friends want him so that says something.  Believe it or not, behind all that rugged exterior, he has the soul of a poet.  I know in my gut, this can’t last long.  He could walk into a room and find a girl to have sex with without even saying a word.  He just has that kind of vibe.  I still can’t say no.  He brings out urges in me I have never had.  I feel like I am going to fall for this guy.

What can I do?

Rock Groupie Addict

Dear Rock Groupie Addict,

You got it hard.  From Jagger to Mayer, the bad boy musicians have had a good run.  They make our hearts melt with their lyrics and our bodies shake with their sound.  The iconic persona just fuels the impulses.  It is difficult to walk away from that type of passion.  Clearly, you two have made an intimate connection, one that runs deeper than a one night show.

Remember, whether you are a rock star, actor or counter clerk, feelings are feelings.  If he is coming back to you, he shares something very mutual to you.  He most likely has some of the same fears you do.  I have a hunch, there are some very attractive qualities about you that keeps him coming back for more as well.

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Sometimes we get so over shadowed by the heartbreak, that we lose site of the good moments.  It seems you two have shared a number of important good times together.  Focus on them.  If you fall, get up and start over again, but don’t be afraid to close your eyes and let gravity take its course.

Be wild, be free and live in this moment.  You may end up breaking his heart instead….

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla, please email her at askpriscilladvice@gmail.com

 

I’m married but gay – Ask Priscilla

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Dear Priscilla,

I have been married to my husband Ron for five years.  He is a wonderful provider and extremely caring.  We have not been very intimate in the last two years and I blame myself.  There is no indication he has lost interest in my body.  On the contrary, he seems more interested than ever.  It has become clear to me that I am gay.  I have had feelings for women before from high school to college and beyond, but never explored my feelings deeper.  I have even been with women, but not since Ron.

I have never cheated and never will.  There is no reason to end our marriage other than my attraction for his gender has changed and I have come to terms with my sexuality.

I don’t know how to handle this.

Lost Lesbian

Dear Lost Lesbian,

I would like to begin by saying how proud I am that you have searched deep within your soul to find your true calling.  Understanding your sexuality and coming to terms with your feelings is the most critical step to finding inner happiness and a partnership you can value for life.  You have taken a very big step by reaching out and sharing where you are at this point in your life.  Because you have come to terms with such a critical life change, there will be casualties and hearts hurt as you begin a new journey.

The unfortunate part of this entire situation is that all the balls are in your corner and you will ultimately decide the fate of your marriage.  With that being sad, you need to talk opening about how you feel.  Find a safe quiet place where you two can be alone.  Set aside a few hours.  It is one thing to tell him everything and another to let it sink in.  He may get very emotional and let out some negative energy.  Let him.  Give Ron time to let the information process and time to let it all out.  Let him scream and cry if he needs to.  Once he releases all that energy, he will be in a clearer state.  This may take a few days or even a few weeks.

In the end it is about both of your respective happiness.  He knows you have never cheated and always respected the marriage and he will factor that in if you both decide to end the marriage.  I think the most important decision you both need to make is what path to take that will bring you both happiness.

Living in a state of constant misery will not help either of you.

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla, please email at askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com

 

My boyfriend has no fashion sense – Ask Priscilla

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Dear Priscilla,

My boyfriend is a man’s man.  He is rugged, hard working and can plow a corn field with the best of them.  He has guns that make me melt, but he cannot dress at all.  He is a jeans, tee-shirt and John Deere hat guy.  He turns heads on the street because he is built and looks like a sweaty working man and chicks love that.  I am one of them and he is all mine.

Occasionally, I like to go out to a nice restaurant or concert and he still wears jeans, tee-shirts and maybe a cleaner hat.  I have tried to subtly get him to go shopping with me and let me buy him a few button down shirts and some khakis, but to no avail.  I haven’t been forceful about it at all.

What can I do to convince my beau to dress a little better?

Please help….

Want my boyfriend to look stylish

Dear Want my boyfriend to look stylish,

He sounds pretty hot already.  You described a good looking man.  Great with his hands, tan from a hard days work and just rough and rugged enough to make the heart melt.  I do understand you desire to see him clean up and have a more fashionable business-like appeal when you go out to nicer places.  It is a woman’s role and desire to fix.  You think by dressing him up in nice play clothes, you will be fixing him.  I wish it were that simple.

A change of fashion is a major mental adjustment for men and women.  Our clothes defined our personalities.  They are a direct extension of ourselves.  Asking your man to change his attire is a big evolutionary change for him.  You see it as clothes and he sees it as his entire persona.

Something like this will take time, patience and honesty.

First, you need to be candid and firm about your expectations.  You best bet is to compromise and slowly adapt the change.  Provide a fair trade.  If there is something he wants from you that you have been resistant to do, give in and show that this is a team effort.  Once he agrees, ease into the change.  Just start with one or two new outfits and let him get comfortable in the new look.

If you raise his level of trust with compromise and go at his pace, you have a chance of turning him to the fashion side.

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla, please email at askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com

 

I’m still in love with my ex – Ask Priscilla

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Dear Priscilla,

I am still in love with my boyfriend.  It has been a year and a half since we dated.  I have been with other guys, but I always find myself comparing them to him.  Recently, I have had dreams about the good times we spent together and have been re-reading the letters he wrote me early on in our relationship.  I know if we got back together we would immediately slip back into our comfort zone, but it ended for a reason and he moved.  I don’t know what to do.  Do I tell him, I still care about him or force myself to just forget?

Miss my ex

Dear Miss my ex,

You never fall out of love.  Once you give your heart to another and reciprocate a mutual devotion, that feeling remains for the rest of your life.  It is a rare and beautiful connection that people share and one that should be cherished and learned upon.  It is not unhealthy to compare other guys to your ex, especially if he made such an emotional impact on your life.

Right now, you should focus on the positive.  Don’t be afraid to remember the good parts of your time together.  The dreams may just me a manifestation you have created from the words in the letters.  If reading the letters is timing with the dreams, that is most likely what is fueling your mind while you sleep; especially if the letters are about good times and so are the dreams.

I don’t know how the relationship ended, but you need to keep in mind some time has passed.  If you are considering reaching out to him, be considerate to his situation.  He may be in a relationship now and this could mentally destroy what he has built.  I know you agree that would not be fair to him.

If you really feel there is something strong and the possibility this time it can work, you should be open and share that.  If you have any doubts, reflect on an amazing time in your life and look to the future.

Priscilla

*If you would like to ask Priscilla a question, please email her at askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com

I love him, but we can’t afford to do much – Ask Priscilla

couple

Dear Priscilla,

I love my boyfriend.  Love, love, love him dearly.  He is adorable.  He has long shaggy hair, plays guitar and he is super sweet.  We have been together four months and I have never been happier.  We just went to Prom a few days ago and I know he spent everything he had to make it a special night.  Honestly, just being with him is special.  I want to keep everything fun and fresh, but we don’t have a lot of money to spend.  What can we do?

Broke but in love

Dear Broke but in love,

You two sound like a match made in teen heaven.  I love how giddy you get when you talk about your special guy.  I think I can help.  The beauty of love is that there is no cost to share a life together and embrace the feelings that both of you bring for each other.  You said it clearly, just being with him is what makes each day special.

I can’t wait to hear from you both in a year or two and find out your love is stronger than ever.

Here are a few recommendations that I think you will both enjoy without even opening your wallets:

1. Wash the car or bathroom together. It is an activity you can do together and more importantly you will both get wet and soapy. I hope I don’t have to explain anymore about this activity.

2. Look around your kitchen. Round up all the food and spices you have, Google what you have and you may just find a great recipe or two you can make that will make her smile and full enough to want to cuddle in bed.

3. Volunteer together. Look for a run, fund-raiser, music or arts festival and work it together. That way you are helping a good cause and getting some free entertainment.

4. Camping under the stars. How romantic is that.

7. Potluck party!!! Call, text, Evite, Facebook all your friends and have an impromptu party where everyone brings a bottle, mixer or snack. Instant party and all you need to provide is the front door.

8. Why not a little education. Go to a museum or art gallery. Many only ask for donations at the door or have totally free admission.

9. There is a model in all of us. Break out your point and shoot, SLR or IPhone and have a couple photo shoot. Go to the beach, bedroom, river, gazebo or anywhere fun and scenic and take photos of each other and then you can make a virtual or physical collage.

10. Hit the rivers and ponds. Go cliff diving (Not in the crazy Acapulco kind of way) or swim and frolic together.

11. People watching and storytelling. Sit at the park with a coffee, tea or latte and try and create a story about all the people that walk by. Be imaginative. It can be better than the movies.

12. Learn a new skill. Can you sing  or hula hoop. Teach each other your special skills.

13. Find a free music or comedy showcase. In many cities there are hundreds of free shows from young up and coming performers that are free of charge. You may even have a friend or two in a band. Go support them.

14. Flash mob. You know you always wanted to try it. Learn more at improveverywhere.com

15. Watch the sunrise or sunset. It is a classic but always one that reminds you of how important you are to each other.

16. Dog walking. Hopefully one of you has a dog. If not, borrow a friend’s dog and offer to take them out for a walk together.

17. Health first. Find a farmers market and browse all the vendors. If you are feeling the urge, buy an apple or peach and have a little light fruit or veggie snack together.

18. Go to an open mic night and do a reading or play a song. Showcase your talents and witness others showing their skills and confidence.

19. Sit on a street corner or in the park with a sign that says “Information” and offer advice and tips to tourists who are looking for things to do locally.

20. Make a music video. With flip video cameras, IPhones, IFilm, YouTube and so many other free software options, you can let out your creative side and make a funky music video as a couple.

21. Yoga at the beach or in the park. All your need is a mat, some technique and you have a mental and physical task you can do together.

22. Be a child. Get a group of friends together and play “Duck, Duck Goose” or “Hide and Seek”

Go start that bucket list and make some memories together.

Priscilla

*If you have a question for Priscilla, please email to askpriscillaadvice@gmail.com