My boyfriend has like a zillion female Facebook friends. I don’t even know most of them. They are from high school, work, sports and even some ex’s. I don’t feel comfortable knowing he knows so many women. Is he cheating? Does he stay up late at night talking to them? Does he wish he was with one of them and not me. Am I paranoid or do I have nothing to worry about?
Freaked over Facebook
Dear Freaked over Facebook,
Much like chocolate, Facebook is a guilty pleasure. Through its addictive properties of voyeurism and gaming, it sucks us in like a bad habit and ties us down. With constant real time updates of others lives, it does leave many wondering if they could have a better life. What makes it even more challenging this time of year is the weather. We are entering summer time and with that is bikini season. Many men wait all year to get a peak at scantily clad women posting pictures of themselves basking in the sun.
Your questions are very valid. Facebook is a bit of a hidden pleasure for some. It is anonymous, creates elements of alienation and loneliness and opens up easy avenues to stray.
If this is a big concern for you, you two should try an experimental deactivation period. Agree as a couple to temporarily deactivate your accounts for one month. If he is resistant, find out. He may push back saying it is his way of staying in touch with family and friends, but remind him of the other thousand ways to communicate (phone, text, email and other social channels.). If he truly cares about you, he will participate in this exercise with you.
During this time, take advance of the major change and add some additional spontaneity into your relationship. Take an unscheduled trip, have a picnic in the park, get a little frisky in bed with some role play or take up a new hobby or interest together.
Leaving Facebook, even for a short period of time is like giving up a child. Many are so attached, they cannot even remember a time when it wasn’t there for them.
Take his hand, guide him away and see each other again for the first time.
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