I am a very happily married woman. We have been married for six years and together for eight. My husband is wonderful. He is hard working, a good provider and very respectful to my needs. We are very settled and comfortable together and I cherish every day with him. I have a crush though. Not one I would ever act upon, but one that is strong and safely secured in my secret place. I met him through a mutual friend. We don’t see each other often, but when we do, I get excited and giddy. He is rugged and charming. He has a bit of a bad boy appeal and he seems like he would be sensual in bed. Handsome and successful as well as inviting and sweet. I do know he also feels the same way.
Am I wrong to have a secret crush when I am married?
Married with a slight wandering thought
Dear Married with a slight wandering thought,
You may have more company than you think in this department. Our sub-conscious is a wonderful and obvious ally to us. It provides us with answers to questions without openly hitting us over the head. When I first read your letter, the first element that stuck out was the way you described your husband:
Settled / Safe
Theses can also be characteristics transferable to describing a pet or a relationship that is stalled in routine. I by no means am indicating that you have hit a rut and a level of boredom that is driving you to have these feelings for another man. I believe very strongly that your devotion to your husband is real and will continue without flaw for your lives together. I also feel this crush is an important part of your continued marriage success. It is not wrong. Here is why:
- Whether we are male, female or otherwise, our desire to be loved and appreciated at any age is important in building self-confidence, value, courage and recognition.
- So many are surrounded by rejection or non-mutual feelings for another that creates a reduced sense of value. Finding that rare connection, where two beautiful people find each other and share an emotional bond is amazing. I am guessing, when you found out he liked you back, you smiled and still do.
- You both shared this. Holding it in may increase your feelings of guilt. Putting it in the open and having the maturity to accept only contributes to positive feelings.
- Think of it this way, love is not meant to only be shared with one person. The ability to give and take love is the greatest thing we as humans have. Whether it is a feeling, a compliment, a hug or a show of support, love is the glue.
Appreciate that you have love to share. Not the same level as you do for your husband, but another form. Find solace knowing he feels the same way and harness that in your continued pursuit of happiness.
*If you have a question for Priscilla, please email at firstname.lastname@example.org